The Chinese media has been utterly humiliated after reporting the discovery of a mysterious mushroom, only have it pointed out to them that it was actually a discarded artificial vagina.
中国的媒体由于对一个神秘灵芝的报道而受到了狠狠地嘲笑，因为这个灵芝实际上是一个被丢弃的男性自慰器。
According to the reports, the “mysterious mushroom” was found down a village well and soon became the subject of wonderment in the local media, where it was shown floating in a bucket and being measured and handled with much reverance:
根据报道，这个“神秘灵芝”是在一个村庄的井中发现的，并很快被当地的报纸当做奇闻异事报道。报道的照片中“灵芝”漂浮在水桶中，并被人带着尊敬测量和触摸。
Unfortunately, it appears none of the reporters or villagers were familiar with (or would own up to knowing about) the technology of artificial vaginas, and so their theories that it might be a legendary mushroom said to grant immortality were shattered humiliatingly once the video was exposed to the wider world .
不幸的是，似乎没有记者和村民知道（或者坦白自己知道）男性自慰器这种工艺。因此当他们认为它是传说中可以带来长生的灵芝这个想法被更多的人得知时，自然就受到了严重的嘲笑。
Needless to say, online they have been reduced to a laughing stock.
不用说，在网上他们已经成为了一个笑柄。
评论翻译:
-------------译者：笑开怀-------------
评论按时间顺序，横线内为一组评论：
Comment by Anonymous
05:29 20/06/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)
ROFL Best laugh in the month so far
笑得满地打滚了，目前是本月最好笑的
Comment by Anonymous
09:36 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
If you think you're laughing hard, imagine that guy that saw his used onahole on the news.
如果你觉得你快要笑死了，想象一下那家伙看见自个用过的性玩具出现在新闻里。
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Comment by Anonymous
03:32 20/06/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)
Mario hits "?" block
Out pops this "mushroom"
<__>
"Here we go!" "Yahoo!" "Yipee!" "Whaha!" "Ima tired!"
马里奥顶了一下带有“？”的方块（注：经典游戏《超级玛丽》）
然后蹦出来这个“蘑菇”
<__>
“我们开始吧！”“雅虎！”“耶！”“哈哈！”“我累了！”
Comment by Anonymous
04:33 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)
this made my day, rofl... x3
这弄得我今天笑得满地打滚……x3
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Comment by kazaza2
03:53 20/06/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)
A "Shroom" that makes your dick larger! I'm in!
一个能让你“弟弟”变大的肉灵芝！我感受到了！
Comment by Anonymous
05:44 20/06/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)
What if the shroom explodes?
如果肉灵芝爆炸了咋办捏？（注：暗讽中华烟爆炸）
Comment by Anonymous
06:56 20/06/2012 # ! Good (+0.6)
Then the term "dickless" will apply to you.
那么“没有JB”适合形容你。
Comment by Anonymous
03:58 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)
You mean I can finally grow my dick big enough to enjoy fucking a needle hole? SWEET!!
你的意思是我的"弟弟"最后能变得足够大到OOXX针孔？酷毙了！！
-------------译者：笑开怀-------------
Comment by Anonymous
04:12 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.4)
Those things are supposed to be very elastic and usually only the entrance is that small (so you can break it the first time you use like a virgin plastic vagina)
But one of the ones I got was really all the way tight and it was impossible to use that.
那些玩意该是有弹性的和通常入口是那么的小（所以第一次你会弄破它用起来感觉像一个塑料的处女阴道）
但我得到的其中一个真得一直就那么紧，根本就没法用。
Comment by Anonymous
07:56 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
Lube is your friend.
润滑油是你的好伙伴。
Comment by Anonymous
09:02 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
Was there live sperm still inside it?
那里面还有活的精子吗？
Comment by Anonymous
07:10 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
Don't forget the pussy in other side XD
Old_Nash
别忘记另一头的阴部 XD
老纳什
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Comment by Neat Hedgehog
02:56 20/06/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)
I just hope nobody tried to cook it and eat it before they found out.
...or... after they found out, depending on how disturbing they are.
我只是希望在他们发现它之前没有人会试着去煮它来吃。
……还是……在他们发现之后（拿去煮了），这得看他们有多么的不安。
Comment by Benoist
03:47 20/06/2012 # ! Quality (+0.8)
for people used to sewer sauce, soup from the drains, and the like... this must be a gourmet snack
适合人们就着下水道酱汁和排水沟汤一块吃，会像……这肯定是一款美味小吃。
Comment by Anonymous
06:05 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)
Plenty of protein.
大量蛋白质
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-------------译者：我爱詹一美-------------
Comment by Bigall
02:59 20/06/2012 # ! Quality (+0.8)
Since it didn't explode, they should have guessed that there was something funny with the "mushroom".
既然它不会泡水膨胀，那些人就应该猜到这个“灵芝”的神奇妙用了。
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Comment by Anonymous
03:01 20/06/2012 # ! Good (+0.8)
Wait they couldn't tell it was plastic?
等等，他们不能分辨出它是塑料做的吗？
Comment by Your Name
03:57 20/06/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)
They blamed the reporter by saying she was too young and did not know what it was. (She probably didn't know though lol)
他们责怪那个记者，说她太年轻了，所以不知道这东西是什么。（也许她真的什么都不知道喔lol）
Comment by Godot
08:43 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)
They shouldn't blame the reporter alone. Thats not how tv reports work.
Cameraman
Producer
Editor
And also the studio that OK'd it for broadcast
Any one of them could have said something but didn't. They are all as gullible as the rest of that chinese village.
他们不能仅仅责备记者，这不是记者的责任。
摄像师
总监
编辑
还有整个工作室。只有在这些人的允许下这条新闻才能被播出。
他们中的每个人都得站出来说几句，但是他们没有。他们和那些中国乡村的人们一样容易受骗。
Comment by Anonymous
05:19 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
She's a female. She's less likely to know but the top is so obvious
她是个女生，可能这方面知识会缺乏点，但那个东西的头部是多麽滴明显呀。
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Comment by Anonymous
05:02 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)
UHUhuaa as they do not know what it is?
It is precisely manufactured there and shipped to Japan ..
It is possible that the village is so remote that does not have internet or porn magazines.?!
I think they call the reporter for fun and the donkey fell over, like the apparitions of ovinis or supernatural in the end 95% is pure scamming.
I want to see how they will find the former owner
哈哈哈哈哈，他们真的不知道它是什么吗？
它就是在那里加工生产出来，然后要运去日本的。
可能是因为这个村子太过偏远了，所有人们没有经历网络或者色情杂志的洗礼？！
我觉得他们叫记者来只是为了耍耍他们，谁知露马脚了，就像95%不明飞行物的魅影或者超自然现象到最后都是单纯的人为闹剧。
我很想知道他们会怎么找到这“灵芝”的前任主人的
Comment by Anonymous
05:16 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)
That's a great idea! Get a weird dildo and call some of those supernatural gulible guys claiming that you have some alien/mutant plant/fungus. Bonus points if he have a site/work on some supernatural magazine!
好主意！拿出一个奇形怪状的假阳具，然后叫唤那些迷信超自然现象的人，跟他们说你拿到了一些外星/基因突变的植物或真菌。如果他们在某些研究超自然现象的杂志上有专栏或者工作什么的话，这肯定是大大的报道亮点呀！
-------------译者：笑开怀-------------
Comment by Anonymous
07:02 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
its china.... every thing is plastic and explode.
这是中国……每一样东西都是塑料做的以及会爆炸的。
Comment by Anonymous
09:38 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
Even the women?
甚至女人也不例外？
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Comment by Lonesnipa
05:03 20/06/2012 # ! Quality (+0.8)
You'd think just the fact that the thing has two heads would tip them off that this isn't a mushroom.
你会认为事实就是那玩意有两头，这是暗示他们这不是肉灵芝。
Comment by Kiljoy616
06:10 20/06/2012 # ! Quality (+1.0)
Maybe they thought all that dumping had created a new mushroom creature. I can't type this with a strait face.
可能他们以为所有的废弃物都会创造出一种新的蘑菇生物。我做不到板着脸写下这段话。
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Comment by Evilwind
02:56 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)
I'm not sure which makes them look dumber... not being able to identify the onahole or believing in a mushroom that grants immortality...
我不肯定是什么使得他们看起来那么笨……不能辨认出性玩具还是相信那灵芝是长生不老药……
Comment by Anonymous
03:16 20/06/2012 # ! Good (+0.8)
Maybe they believed it grants immorality, and Sankaku made a typo.
也许他们相信那是长生不老药， Sankaku犯了个错误。 （注:Sankakucomplex.com，含不适宜未成年人的内容，有大量歧视华人的文章）
Comment by Aneko
03:23 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
I apologize, I accidentally voted you down. Nice one.
我道歉，我不小心扔了你一鸡蛋。真不错。
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Comment by Shizu's Waki Obsessor: MaidNiac
07:00 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)
Oh wow, looks like a Chinese remake of The Gods Must Be Crazy
哦哇，看上去像中国山寨版的《上帝也疯狂》 （注：喜剧电影）。
-------------译者：xuhr-------------
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Comment by Demi-Rebel 72
05:27 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (+0.2)
Wow, they couldn't tell the difference between something that was grown from the ground & something made out of plastic and used for someone's "pleasuring fantasies". Man their dumb. Plus how the hell can a mushroom grant immortality!? Can someone explain that to me!? They need to stop mixing fantasy with reality, seriously.
Wow，他们不能区别一个地上长出来的东西和一个由塑料做成用于一些人的“愉快幻想”的东西之间的区别。蠢透了。另外一个蘑菇怎么能带来长生！？有人能向我解释吗？认真地说，他们需要停止将幻想和现实混淆。
Comment by Anonymous
09:36 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
Oops, I meant to write 'they're' not 'their'. One's a contraction of 'they' and 'are'. The other is a possessive, like 'their onaholes'.
Oops，我是想写 'their'而非'they're'。一个是 'they' 和 'are'的缩写。另一个是所有格，像“their 性用品”。
Comment by Demi-Rebel 72
11:18 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
Don't make fun of my error!
别嘲笑我的失误！
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Comment by Kiljoy616
06:13 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
All the same in remote China. Not like this is the strangest thing to come out there. So was she holding it, can we get the reporter to hold it maybe play with it a bit ROFL. Whats with the announcer she seem to be pissed off. Maybe she was thinking that dam thing looks better than mine.
所有同样的事情都发生在遥远的中国。这不是那里发生的最奇怪的事情。那么她有没有隐瞒这件事，我们可以让记者隐瞒或者曲解这件事吗？笑的打滚了...主持人似乎有点生气。或许它在想那个东西比她自己的更好。
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Comment by Anonymous
07:12 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
now see, the japanese would probably know what that was straight off the bat
现在看来，日本人很可能马上知道那是什么东西。
Comment by Anonymous
09:16 20/06/2012 # ! Neutral (0)
Is that a good thing?
这是一个好东西吗？