送交者: xj 于 2005-8-18, 13:53:32:
>>said Fang, whose alias is Fang Zhouzi,
should it be pen name? alias is so computer orientied.
>>He was admitted by the Michigan State University to learn biochemistry after graduating from USTC.
is it better to say "he went to the MSU to pursue a PhD in Biochemistry after graduating from USTC?"
>>the precedent of the Internet.
The Usernet is not the preceduent of the Internet. Instead, the Usernet is the forrunner of the web forum.
>> With his and other Chinese students' efforts, voluntarily inputting lots of material, they set up a large online database of ancient Chinese poems.
This sentence is really awkward.
"He and other Chinese students voluntarily and laboriously typed lots material into computers and set up a large online database of ancient Chinese poems."
>> Meanwhile, Fang and his friends tried to develop a literature
website, xys.org, otherwise known as New Threads.
Not sure the "develop" is a right one, "set up", "establish" "build"?
no idea how to use the word "otherwise", maybe simply use "also"
>> "I recognized religious freedom,
recognize>> respect?
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They are many more subtle things that sounds unusual. :-)
Let's do the last sentence to illustrate typical Chinglish mistakes:
>> "Each time I plan to criticize somebody, I carefully prepare my
evidence and my reasoning, so I avoid making the wrong judgments as
much as possible," Fang said.
You are not "criticizing somebody", instead, you are "commenting on something," which also covers a broader area.
prepare evidence >> collect evidence, and not "my evidence", just "evidence," "enough evidence", or "relevent evidence."
"the wrong judgements" should not have "the", as here the "judgements" refers to a general phenomenon. I have to ackowledge that the "a,an, the" stuff is also killing me.
My rewriting:
"Each time I plan to comment on something, I will take time to collect enough evidence and carefully prepare my arguments. So I can avoid making wrong judgements as much as possible." Said Dr. Fang.
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I am not picky. Just for fun. :-)
If I wrote it from the scratch, probably I would have done worse than him.
Small things are extremely hard to grasp. It takes time.